The Family Roles You Didn’t Know Were Keeping You and Your Sibling Apart

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can distort nearly every relationship in your life, including the one with your siblings.

Even though you shared a home, your connection may have felt more like rivalry than support. What should have been a source of comfort often became a mirror of the dysfunction happening around you.

Instead of learning how to trust each other, you may have been taught explicitly or silently to compete, compare, or disconnect.

And now, years later, you might be left wondering:
Can we rebuild something healthy?

The answer is yes, with boundaries rooted in mutual respect and a shared value.

In this article we share some of the patterns and behaviors that many have been exposed to and how it created a divide amongst siblings, conversation starters with a sibling even if you have been estranged for some time, and ways to rebuild with the connection with healthy sibling boundaries.

I wrote this to help adult siblings feel there is a chance, as sibling relationships can be some of the strongest bonds we have as they often can related to childhood experiences, and know how to often make you feel a peace.

The Narcissistic Household: A Breeding Ground for Division

In narcissistic family systems, the parent often places their needs, ego, or control above emotional safety. That dynamic doesn’t just affect the parent-child relationship, it shapes the sibling experience too.

Siblings are frequently:

• Pitted against each other through comparison, favoritism, or triangulation.

• Assigned roles like scapegoat, golden child, lost child, black sheep—which distort identity and connection.

• Kept emotionally separate so they won’t unite against the dysfunction.

This setup often leaves siblings feeling:

• Betrayed or abandoned by one another

• Insecure or hyper-competitive

• Emotionally distant even into adulthood

• Ultra-independent

And when each sibling is taught to prioritize survival over connection, it’s no wonder trust breaks down.