10 Things People with High Emotional Intelligence NEVER Do

Discover the Psychological Insights and Practical Steps to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence and Build Resilient Relationships

Emotional intelligence (EQ) isn’t just about managing emotions—it’s about handling life with awareness, self-control, and grace. Highly emotionally intelligent people navigate challenges with intention and self-awareness, avoiding behaviors that undermine their growth and relationships.

Here are 10 things they steer clear of, along with the psychological reasoning behind it and actionable ways to achieve these outcomes:

1. They Don’t React Impulsively

Emotional regulation, a core component of EQ, allows individuals to pause and assess situations rather than reacting emotionally. The brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational decision-making, is engaged instead of the amygdala, which triggers impulsive reactions. By responding thoughtfully, they maintain control and make better choices.

How to Achieve It:

• Practice deep breathing or grounding techniques when feeling overwhelmed.

• Count to 10 before responding in emotional situations.

• Reflect on the long-term consequences of impulsive reactions.

• Develop self-awareness through journaling or mindfulness exercises.

• Reflect on your values that are being neglected or triggered in the moment.

• Create strategies for how you plan to respond by drafting responses.

2. They Don’t Take Everything Personally

People with high EQ understand that others’ behavior often reflects their own internal state rather than objective reality. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) refers to this as recognizing cognitive distortions—when people assume negative intent without evidence. By practicing cognitive reframing, they reduce emotional distress and foster resilience.

How to Achieve It:

• Remind yourself that others’ actions are often about them, not you.

• Challenge negative thoughts by asking yourself, “What evidence supports this belief?”

• Practice self-compassion and positive self-talk.

• Develop perspective by considering the other person's motivations or intentions.

• Recognize if this is a reoccurring pattern or something new for you or the situation.

3. They Don’t Hold Grudges

Holding grudges activates the brain’s stress response, increasing cortisol levels and contributing to anxiety and depression. Emotionally intelligent individuals practice forgiveness as a form of self-love. Research from positive psychology suggests that forgiveness reduces stress and improves mental well-being.

How to Achieve It:

• Write a letter expressing your feelings (even if you don’t send it).

• Practice empathy by considering the other person’s perspective.

• Acknowledge the emotional burden of holding onto resentment.

• Seek support to work through unresolved anger.

• Understand they may not have the skills or ability to prevent their behaviors that you find harmful due to their upbringing.